


lavender

by etoisle



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Cuddling, Domestic, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, hides a good and supportive bf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7158899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoisle/pseuds/etoisle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>slowly, <i>slowly,</i> kaneki is learning to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lavender

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this while trying to drag myself out of writers block again. I Love My Sons So Much

At first, Kaneki only dreamed of black.

It wasn't the normal, friendly black that could be seen when one closed their eyes, with colorful imprints of lights and the promise of comforting dreams; this was something suffocating, consuming, a darkness that sent him into a choking panic just by existing. For a while, he was alone, just him and the blackness that was more reminiscent of a coma rather than temporary sleep.

Then, a drop of red. Blood. His own blood. A stab of pain came with it—his eye felt like it was being _gouged_ , stabbed through mercilessly—and then it multiplied tenfold. A finger fell in the blackness—again, his own—and hit some sort of solid surface, and he felt the agonizing sensation of it being _ripped_ off, and then another, and then another, over and over and over and over and _over—_

White flooded into the black, melting and then organizing itself into a checkerboard pattern and it _wasn't_ a dream, no, he was back in _that room_ and he couldn't move and nobody was coming to help him. Someone was laughing. In his ear, he could feel the oddest crawling, burrowing, _ripping—_

_"Kane—"_

No. It wasn't real.

_"—eki, please, y—"_

Hide wasn't really there. He couldn't be. Nobody was there but Kaneki and _him_.

_"—ay. It's okay. You're safe. You're safe. Look at me."_

Fingers were combing through his hair, gentle, hesitant, slow, and Kaneki forced his eyes to open, snapping back to reality. He'd been crying—was still crying—and recognized it immediately as another one of his incessant nightmares, and he felt awful. Another night wasted thrashing and pleading and sobbing in his sleep, and no doubt waking up Hide and forcing him to deal with him.

"Is this okay?" Hide asked gently, his fingers pausing in the soft, silvery strands. Kaneki opened his mouth to respond, but found himself unable to form words and settled for a nod. Smiling, Hide continued petting his hair, sitting at a slight distance, not from fear, but rather respect in case he didn't want to be touched—a respect he felt he didn't deserve. Tonight, though, Kaneki welcomed tactile contact; every motion Hide made soothed him that much more and made the agony a little less present in his mind.

It registered with him that he was wrapped loosely in the blanket and sitting upright rather than curled up on the floor, so either Hide had woken him early or he'd arranged for him to be comfortable when he woke up. Either way, he didn't want to burden Hide with this. But he was here and solid and _real_ , and Kaneki found himself moving forward, nestling his forehead in the curve between his neck and shoulders, and Hide immediately welcomed him in embrace.

Kaneki clung to him tightly, desperately, as if he might fade away at any moment, as Hide rubbed comforting circles into his back, still stroking his hair, and talked to him. The voice he used was low and gentle, almost melodic, and extremely soothing. Nothing but calm reassurance brushed past his lips; he told him that it was okay, he was here, this was real, he loved him, nobody was going to hurt him anymore, and—over and over—that he was safe.

Once Kaneki stopped hyperventilating and his heart stopped trying to beat its way out of his throat, Hide pulled away slightly, only to lift the blanket up and wrap it around his trembling shoulders. It wasn't until now that Kaneki could truly appreciate the word 'comforter', because it was doing just that—enveloping him in gentle, comforting warmth that, combined with Hide's impossibly warm body, chased away the inexplicable chill that had settled on him.

Hide brought a hand up to gently rub away Kaneki's tears with a thumb, taking extra care with his left eye, the kakugan active and pulsing somewhat painfully in its socket. He pressed a soft kiss on one eyelid and then the other as Kaneki closed them in time, then looked back up, his eyes less cold steel than melting snow. 

He nestled his head against Hide's chest, far less frantically this time, and listened to the sound of his breathing and heartbeat. They had a short, wordless conversation, conveyed silently, only through gentle glances, fingers comfortingly combed through locks of hair, and changes of pressure in the grip on each other's hands, but the conclusion that they both came to was that everything would be alright. Kaneki's hands stubbornly persisted in shaking.

"Want to braid my hair, 'neki?" 

Kaneki nodded—this was a ritual they undertook often—and Hide lowered his head slightly to Kaneki's height. 

The trembling of his hands meant the braids, as he began to weave them, were sloppy and unraveled quickly, but the repetitive, small motions calmed his shakiness after a few minutes; that was the whole point, since small, intricate tasks tended to calm the tremors of his hands after nights like this. Soon, Hide had a scattering of tiny, delicate braids in his fluffy hair, and he tossed Kaneki a grin, obviously pleased with the results. He'd wake up in the morning with beachy waves. 

"Thank you," Hide murmured softly, grinning, but Kaneki felt that it was really him who should've been expressing his gratitude.

"Hey, 'neki, I have an idea I want to test out," he ventured. At Kaneki's slightly wary glance, Hide reassured, "Don't worry, it won't hurt you at all. And you don't have to go along with it, either. I just wanna try it out, okay?"

Kaneki spared a nod, looking over at his movements curiously as Hide reached for the bedside table. Pulling out the drawer, he returned a moment later with a small vial of something, the color of which Kaneki couldn't quite discern.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a shade of purple—was that _nail polish_...?

"...What are you planning on doing with nail polish?" Kaneki mumbled, his voice weak and a little hoarse—those were the first words he'd managed to get out since he'd woken up.

Hide grinned at the sound of his boyfriend finally feeling comfortable enough to speak, no matter how thready and fragile his voice sounded, like something that barely existed, something that would break if you pushed it too hard. He opened the bottle. "Painting your nails, of course, silly." He lightly booped Kaneki's nose with his own, earning an actual smile, and Hide treasured that little quirk of the lips like the rare and precious thing it was.

"...Be gentle." Kaneki offered up his hands—he tended to unconsciously hide them, especially when he slept—and Hide took gentle hold of his left hand, holding it like something made of porcelain, taking care to avoid gripping his wrist.

Delicately, Hide brushed the polish onto Kaneki's fingernails. It was a thick polish that effectively covered up the bruised and bloody black, especially with how intent Hide seemed on painting every centimeter of his nail completely—he was surprisingly good at it. The color somehow soothed him, too; it was a soft lavender, a pastel tone that he knew he'd smile when he looked at, knew he'd associate with Hide's steady hands and gentle warmth. With every nail that was decorated in calm violet, Kaneki felt as if that much weight had been lifted off his shoulders, like he could finally _control_ how he felt and what had happened, and it made him feel like he could breathe for the first time in weeks.

"Alright," Hide breathed, once he'd painted over his last nail. "All done! Careful while they're drying, 'kay?" He pressed a soft kiss to the knuckles of Kaneki's right hand, and he let out a quiet sigh, a sound of contentment and almost relief.

"Thank you," he murmured simply, gazing down at his hands with fondness, a gesture that he couldn't even remember the last time he had performed. Kaneki repeated the sentiment, quieter, and he pulled him close, gently ruffling his hair. Meeting his eyes, Hide allowed affection to completely take over his features and gently cupped one pale cheek with his hand, smiling like it was a privilege just to look at him.

"You're beautiful. You're _so_ beautiful, Ken," Hide murmured reverently, pressing an adoring kiss to his forehead, and, for once, Kaneki couldn't remember the way anything felt—completely forgot every emotion but unconditional love.

**Author's Note:**

> comments always appreciated!


End file.
